Reader Question: With setting of dinner knife, salad fork, fork,ice tea-spoon and spoon, how would you set them?
Etiquette Scholar: The forks should be placed to the left of the plate in the following order: farthest to the left 1) the salad fork; and next 2) the fork. To the right, in this order, farthest to the right: 1) the spoon; and then, next to the plate, 2) the dinner knife. The iced-tea spoon should be placed horizontally above the glass to be used for tea.
Reader Question: At home, we put the butter dish with a stick of cold butter on it on the dinner table. What is the correct method of serving ourselves butter? Should we scrape it off the top (usually requires several strokes passed back and forth) or cut a pad off the end of the stick by cutting straight down? Thanks in advanced for any guidance.
Etiquette Scholar Answer: What you have described is a method used in many informal, family settings. If, in a very informal setting, you wish to follow proper etiquette, a pad of butter should be cut off from the end of the stick and placed on the plate. If time permits, you could let the butter warm to room temperature before serving, making cutting it easier.
I hope this butter etiquette advice was helpful.
Reader Question: Wanting to invite guests to accompany me at a restaurant, but each person will be responsible for buying their meal. How do you word this on the invitation?
Etiquette Scholar Response: You have a few options.
1. You could, if you like, add a “co-host” or two to share the bill with.
2. If you would like each guest to pay his or her own check you could simply state:
“Separate checks will be provided.”
This should let your guests know that each guest will be paying for their own meal.
3. Finally, you could arrange for a fixed price at the restaurant. You can then ask each guest to contribute a per-person charge.
“The cost will be $30/person, which includes drinks, appetizer, entrée, dessert, tax and tip.”
I hope this invitation etiquette information was helpful.
Reader Question: If one leaves a sufficient tip and includes some pennies in the mix, are the pennies considered in insult to the wait staff?
Etiquette Scholar Answer: If included as part of a sufficient tip, leaving the pennies is not an insult. You have correctly surmised that it would be an insult to leave only a few pennies (which would be worse than no tip at all).
I hope this tipping etiquette answer is helpful.
Reader Question: I am the hostess, taking out 2 males and 2 females. The table is booked in my name. Being the hostess, should the waiter let me be the one to taste the wine – which I selected? It happens regularly that the tasting of the selected(by me!)wine, is asked to be conducted by one of my male guests.
Etiquette Scholar Answer: If you are the one that orders the wine, then the server should let you be the one to taste it. It might be that the restaurants where this happens follow and antiquated customer and present it to a male regardless of who orders, but that is not correct.
Reader Question:
1. You say that grapefruit should be served with the sections loosened. Any tips for eating it when it is just cut in half and served with a teaspoon?
2. When I drink coffee it seems to drip down the side of the cup. I have tried positioning my lower lip differently, but nothing helps. This is especially troublesome when it is in a mug without a saucer. Any advice?
Many thanks for whatever help you can offer.
Etiquette Scholar Answer:
1. If served grapefruit that has not been sectioned already with a knife, I would use a knife available at the table to section the grapefruit, or if no knife is present at the table, ask for one so that you can section the grapefruit before eating it. As with cutting meat, or any other item, on your plate, proper table manners dictate cutting a few sections loose at a time, eat them, and then continue.
2. Maybe taking smaller sips at a time might help. I think a saucer is used, in part, to address this problem, but not having a saucer with a mug would present a problem.
I hope these dining etiquette answers were helpful.
Reader Question: I have a dilemma with my children and would like to know if I am being too strict. When eating a lasagna or mousaka for example, my 13 year old has trouble cutting through the cheese even though it is possible to maintain in layers. What ends up on his plate is a mixture that looks like someone placed his food in a blender. I explained to him that he should try to keep his layered dishes stacked to ensure all of the tastes are experienced every time and for appearance purposes. My mother was very strict with me and I would like to keep with the tradition. Please let me know your thoughts.
Etiquette Scholar Answer: I think you have done your job in informing him why it is important to maintain the integrity of the lasagna. It’s more important to show him how to use his napkin, utensils properly and not eat with his mouth open. As long as he is not getting food on the table and is attempting to eat the lasagna in an orderly way, I don’t think there is much more that can or should be done.
Reader Question: I am designing bed trays for my wife and me. I try to serve her breakfast in bed once a week. I would like to know the proper place setting for this occasion. I do like to add a flower in a small bud vase for her enjoyment. The bud vase is later taken to her vanity or bathroom for continued enjoyment. Thank you for your time.
Etiquette Scholar Answer: Use the same place setting as at a table. Because food is already on the plate, place the napkin under the knife and spoon. Place the vase on the upper-left of the tray.
Reader Question: Hi, We are leaving Thursday with a group from work to Puerto Vallarta Mexico. My boss will be treating the group of about 16 people for a nice dinner one night. He would like guests to pay their own way for the rest of the meals. My question is how to word that in an e-mail to the guests. Also, he is encouraging us to stay together in groups when we go to dinner (for safety), but he wants us to do separate checks for each couple as opposed to splitting the bill. (Some people on this trip are quite wealthy and cost would be no object, others are on a very tight budget). What is the proper etiquette for tactfully conveying this information to our group?
Etiquette Scholar Answer: It’s best to be direct in instruction, but there is no need to explain the rationale behind the request. Just convey what you have written above, omitting the part about some travelers being wealthy and others on a budget.
Reader Question: I work at a high-end steak house in New York City. We have good problem, we are very busy. What is the proper etiquette to get a table to leave after the table is payed out and has been sitting for some time. We have other guests that want to sit and eat as well. I clear every item that is not being used on the table (empty wine glasses, empty water glasses, coffee cups, dessert plates and even napkins after a table has sat over thirty minutes). Another school of thought thinks that refilling the water-glass continually and refolding the napkin will get them up faster.
Etiquette Scholar Answer: I think it is best to be honest and direct. If the service has gone smoothly, with no delays and if the guests have been seated for quite some time, you could say, “Can I bring you anything else this evening? We do have another reservation arriving.”