Funny Toasts

I'll drink to the Girls who do!
I'll drink to the Girls who don't!
But...I won't drink to Girls
Who say they will and won't!

May you be in Heaven fifteen minutes
before the devil knows you are dead.

On the chest of a barmaid in Sale
Were tattooed the prices of ale.
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in Braille!

We know it is true that we're wicked,
That our criminal laws are lax;
But here's to punishment for the man
Who invented the income tax

Here's to the bee - the busy soul;
He has no time for birth control
That's why it is in times like these,
We have so many sons of bees!

Here's to the bore - the only one who can monopolize and monotonize a conversation at the same time.

Here's to you. You may not be as wise as an owl, but you're always a hoot.

Here's to the man who is wisest and best
Here's to the man who with judgment is blest,
Here's to the man who's as smart as can be –
I drink to the man who agrees with me!

To your very good health. May you live to be as old as your jokes.

Here's to a man after my own heart.
And after my house and my wife

Wise, kind, gentle, generous, sexy . . . but enough about me. Here's to you.

To a fine man who remembers where he came from. Of course, that's about all he remembers.

Here's to the brilliant, warm, handsome . . . company that you keep.

Nothing but the best for our hostess. That's why she has us as friends.

May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alike--without grounds.

Related:

Funny Wedding Toasts

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